The Five Second Rule
Help from Mel Robbins for Estranged Parents
“You can’t control how you feel, but you can always control how you act.” Mel Robbins
In her bestselling book, The Five Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work and Confidence with Everyday Courage , Robbins describes her Five Second Rule, a technique that she assures readers can change anything about their lives. I wondered how she might apply her technique in assisting depressed estranged parents (of which I was most definitely one.)
And so I imagined that If Mel Robbins were guiding a depressed, estranged parent, she would likely adapt her 5-4-3-2-1 technique—originally designed to interrupt spirals of anxiety and procrastination—to help interrupt rumination, regain presence, and take small, self-caring actions, even in the depths of emotional pain.
Here’s how she might frame it: “Use it to shift from stuck in pain → to back in your power—one moment at a time.”
🔹 Step 1: Use the Countdown to Break the Spiral
When you feel yourself sinking into shame, guilt, grief, or helplessness—don’t analyze it.
Instead, count backwards out loud or in your head:
5-4-3-2-1 — Move.
This is your mental "interrupter." It cuts through the looping thought and re-engages your prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain that helps you make conscious choices.
🔹 Step 2: Attach the Countdown to a Self-Caring Action
Once you count down, DO something small but empowering. Not to “fix” estrangement. Not to perform. But to care for the you who is hurting.
Mel might suggest:
5-4-3-2-1 — Stand up.
5-4-3-2-1 — Breathe. One deep breath in through your nose, out through your mouth.
5-4-3-2-1 — Step outside. Let sunlight touch your face.
5-4-3-2-1 — Drink water. You deserve hydration, even in sadness.
5-4-3-2-1 — Send yourself love. Put your hand over your heart and say: “You’re doing your best. I see you.”
These are tiny wins, but they build momentum.
🔹 Step 3: Anchor to the Present With Her Grounding Version of 5-4-3-2-1
If you’re flooded with emotion, Robbins might recommend combining her countdown with sensory grounding—based on mindfulness and trauma science:
5 things you can see (look for color, texture, shape)
4 things you can touch (your clothes, your chair, a mug)
3 things you can hear (birds, clock ticking, your breath)
2 things you can smell (soap, coffee, fresh air)
1 thing you can taste (sip tea or water)
This helps calm your nervous system and re-center you in the now.
🔹 Step 4: Reclaim Your Power—One Brave Act at a Time
Mel would remind you:
“You don’t need to feel ready to take action.
You just need to act before your mind talks you out of it.”
So use 5-4-3-2-1 to do just one thing each day that brings you closer to healing—journaling, moving your body, connecting with someone safe, or simply choosing not to ruminate today.
Five-Four-Three-Two-One: A Poem for Estranged Parents
(inspired by Mel Robbins' technique)
Five—the walls begin to whisper shame,
my mind replays the ancient blame.
But I see: the sky, a photo, a lamp,
the outline of dreams no guilt can stamp,
a robin’s red breast on the fence outside.
Four—I reach for fabric, soft and worn,
my chair, the page, the coffee warm.
I feel my breath, my weight, my spine—
this body’s been a friend of mine,
though sorrow’s made it bow.
Three—I listen past the ache in me:
a loons soft cry, the hum of heat,
the silence where her voice should be —
still, the world is full of sound,
and I remain on solid ground.
Two—a scent, like spring, still clings—
a candle’s breath, or memory’s wings.
Her words can’t steal all sweetness yet.
It lingers in the things we let
ourselves inhale once more.
One—a taste, a tear, a sip of tea.
I am still here. I still choose me.
Estrangement carved a hollow place—
but in its echo, I find grace.
I count. I breathe. I rise.
Each number is a lifeline thrown—
A map to bring me back to home.
Not hers—
but mine.
The one I carry in my bones.
It’s Your Turn
If you haven’t already, you might want to watch the following talk where Robbins explains the Five Second Rule. And then, try it at some point today, in fact, every day that you need to get moving!